If you’re trying to catch a housecat that’s gotten outside, don’t forget: they’re an ambush predator and you’re a persistence predator.
You have several times more endurance than they do - use that to your advantage!
Don’t run after them; that’s playing to the cat’s strengths, and vigorous pursuit may cause them to hide. Instead, follow them at a brisk walking pace until they get tired and need to have a lie-down, at which point you can simply pick them up and take them home.
Ok but no shit this tactic is what allowed humans to survive pre-civilisation
Some mammoth: *chilling, eating grass, mammothing*
why would i fuck a demon? simple, the status. imagine rolling up into hell already havin had ur back blown out by one of their own. imagine you and a gang of other losers standin at the gates of hell, they’re all crying, scared to death about having a pitchfork up their ass for eternity and you just walk into the arms of your sugar demon? legendary.
marvel’s tv shows would be a lot better if they would stop trying to make them super dramatic and instead made them comedies that happen to be about superheroes. like @ marvel, recast clint barton and give him superhero show with a setup similar to parks and rec or the office and i guarantee you’ll get better tv ratings.
kate: dude you’re shaking, how much coffee did you drink today
clint: i haven’t had any coffee today
[immediately cuts to clint sitting in front of the camera, drinking some coffee]
clint: this is my 27th cup
literally anyone: [talks about how clint should drink more water and take more vitamins and generally try to take better care of himself]
clint: [looks into the camera and then turns off his hearing aid]
Give Taika a Marvel-based TV series and let him go wild.
I just want everybody to know that my son, Peter Parker, would try to lift Thor’s hammer because he’s a child and would use so much force that he just hit himself in the face because he thought he wouldn’t be able to lift it so easily
peter just knocks himself unconcious with thors hammer
In honor of me approaching my first 6 months mark as a flight attendant, here are some highlights from my time in this job:
When a lady stopped me gently to whisper that i had “mastered the art of kindness”
When an elderly woman told me i was “put on earth to be a flight attendant”
Each and every time someone complimented my nails
When i found an $8000 diamond watch left behind under a seat, gave it to a gate agent, only to have the passenger come running back 10 minutes later. Gate agent: man u wouldve been in trouble, huh? Man whom looked like a bond villain: i wouldve been SHOT.
Every lesbian ive worked with and had the nice bonding moment of “ur gay?? Im gay!!”
That time a man tried to get huffy with me because he wasnt in 1st class and i got to say “sir u can either sit in this seat or u can sit in a seat in the terminal while u wait to take the next flight”
When i had an emergency landing because the pilots lost steering and we all thought we were gonna die but then we didn’t and everyone just applauded the landing and didnt even complain about the 2 hour delay
When my flight was delayed for 3 hours because the plane wouldnt start so the crew and i just took a really long nap in the jetway
Every 4 and 5 star hotel ive stayed at for free
When we overnighted in the middle of nowhere in alabama and went to a sports bar at midnight. The bartender locked the door so it was just him and us and his friend, and we all got super drunk on obscure alcohols and i kicked everyones ass at pool
That time i had an emergency landing because one pilot had such explosive diarrhea that the other 2 pilots had to wear oxygen masks
When we overnighted in a casino resort in new orleans and ended up drunk on margaritas and playing blackjack with a bunch of old people at 2pm
Every little kid on my flights
Every dog i got to pet on my flights
When we were flying to nyc during julliard recruitments and half the seats were taken up by cellos
Being in airports late at night and seeing people sleep in the weirdest places because they just dont care (bathroom floors, under gate agent desks, etc)
When a woman forgot her actual baby on the plane
Woman: can i board first? Gate agent: are u special needs, active military or priority? Woman: no i just want to board first. Gate agent: maam i have 70 other people who also want to board first, im not looking for a line leader.
My very first working flight, when a man pointed to my necklace and said “is that a ball gag?” And, in my shock, i said “no, im gay”
That time a ramp agent came up to me holding up his phone and said “wanna see something weird?” and i said yes, reservedly, thinking it might be gross but then he held out his phone and it was just a picture of hundreds of paradise birds that we were apparently flying to a zoo
the fact that ppl have different words for periods always makes me laugh like my mum calls it “ur u know whats” and my gran calls it “ur friend” and then it’s like…my friend calls it “satans red waterfall of death”
